It’s Saturday evening, and I was raving.

And now you probably imagine a club with flashing lights, blasting music, tons of people, drinking, partying.

Once, this was definitely me. But that is not what was happening now.

I was completely by myself. At home. Half naked, in my underwear.

I was dancing — messy, chaotic, sexy.
I was crying. Weeping. Praying.
Brought to my knees on the floor.

I felt everything.

The highs. The lows. The release.

As if I had finally let go completely. Fully surrendered. Dropped all logic, seriousness, control… and just plunged into the depths of my being.

Tears of pure joy. Pure ecstasy. Pure grief. Pure sorrow.

It was all there.

And just allowing myself to drown in it was the most liberating experience.

If this had been my last moment in this body, on this earth, it would have been perfect.

I felt ready to die.
To melt.
To dissolve.
To become pure bliss. 

But I didn’t start there that day...

Getting here — this purely ecstatic Saturday evening alone — and the day leading up to it was… tough. 

Messy. Restless.

My mind was full of heavy, negative thoughts. I wanted to escape. Numb out.

I scrolled endlessly, caught myself, then scrolled again.

I cried in misery and felt like something was deeply wrong with me.

I even self-pleasured, but in a way that felt completely unsatisfying.

I napped out of exhaustion. Feeling like a heavy, lazy whale. Battling a headache. Feeling like a failure.

I reminded myself:
“You’re at the end of your cycle. This makes sense. Just rest.”

But I couldn’t.

So I went back to scrolling.

“Fuck… this stupid phone. Everything is stupid.”

And then… I stopped.

I started over

Literally.

At 3pm, I went back to bed.

I put on a meditation I could barely follow, zoned out, and fell asleep.

And from there… I gently restarted.

This time, I actually did the things that nourish me.

I made by bed. 
I took a shower and got dressed.
Did some stretching and a short 5 minute meditation. 
I made some tea and prepared proper food.
I completed the tasks on my to-do list.
And I went to the movies — by myself.

And you will not believe how the movie ended:

With the main character doing exactly that — a retake. Starting over.

In that moment I felt it again.

That wink from life.

Like the universe saying: you’re in on the game. 

And I walked out of the cinema feeling something open in me:

The secret fifth phase

There is something I’ve come to recognize at the end of my menstruation cycle.

A kind of “fifth phase.”

A space that feels like a tiny death.

Because hormonally, it is.

Estrogen drops. Progesterone drops. Everything goes quiet.

And if you surrender into it instead of resisting it…

Something extraordinary opens.

It feels like being on the edge of life itself.

A final burst of aliveness before a reset.

Pure insight.
Pure sensation.
Pure feminine chaos and wisdom.

And in that space, I feel something deep and ancient:

Gratitude for being a woman.

Not the curated version.

But the raw, cyclical, emotional, intuitive, chaotic, alive, feeling-body version of womanhood.

How incredible it is to not always have to be logical. 

Responsible. Structured. Controlled.

How liberating it is to simply let go.

And it’s there — in that powerfully surrendered space — that being a woman actually starts to make sense.

I know so many women are secretly craving this space.

But they don’t fully understand what they are longing for. And they definitely don’t know how to access it.

And so… they miss it.

They move through their cycle — the luteal phase, the bleeding — as something inconvenient. Annoying. Unfair.

Like… what’s the point of this?

But the truth is:
you cannot think your way into understanding what it truly means to be a woman.

You have to feel your way into it.

And yes — that means moving through the resistance.

Through the scrolling.
The numbness.
The chaos.
The discomfort.
The mind that screams at you to stop.

But I promise you…

It’s not as scary as it initially feels. 

I’ve been there too.

I’ve received messages like this from women:

“Honestly, I feel resistance towards being a woman''

''I notice I reject the woman inside of me.''

''Deep down, I find it very unfair to be a woman — and the burdens that come with it.”

And I recognize it immediately.

I’ve been there — trying to become more like a man, while unconsciously rejecting what made me a woman.

And yet…

You wouldn’t be here reading this if a part of you didn’t already know:

That it isn’t the truth. That these stories are not yours. 

That they come from a time and a system that carried a deep fear of the power of women — of the feminine inside all of us.

And yet… deep down, you also feel it.

That it is time to fall in love with being a woman again.

And tonight, this is what I did:

I fell in love again with being a woman.

What an honor it is to have this experience in this lifetime.

I wouldn’t want it any other way. 

And from that space I wrote these words and this story. 

So dear woman, please know:

You don’t have to be strong all the time.

The world needs your softness.
Your pleasure.
Your chaos.
Your aliveness.

And it is my mission to show you that this journey is not as complicated as you think.

It’s actually weirdly simple.

You don’t need to fear the darkness.

You need it.

It’s the doorway to your lightness. 

The Invitation

This month I am opening a special 1:1 space with me for women who feel it is time.

Time to move through the fear and resistance that has been holding you back.
Time to remember the true meaning of being a woman.

It would be an honor to support you in this journey and help you take your first steps back into the raw, cyclical, emotional, intuitive, chaotic, alive, feeling-body version of your womanhood.

The offer is this: 

A 1:1 journey with me
– 3 sessions of 75–90 minutes (online or in person in Maarssen, Utrecht, Netherlands, sessions can be used throughout April, May and June)
– Full WhatsApp support throughout the month
– Free access to my Feminine Reset Embodiment Course

Total value: €1295 — now for only €495
(Only 2 spots available)

If you are feeling that whisper, reach out to me at: 
[email protected] 

Or send me a dm om my Instagram
@dieketerweel (english account)
@dieketerweel.nl (dutch account)
Just send me the word 'secret' and I will share some more information.

And otherwise...

You can also start with the Femme Embodiment Quest.

A gentle way back into your body. Your aliveness. Your feminine nature.

Start with:

Day 1: Soft  | 10 min Feminine Embodiment Practice (21 Day Femme Embodiment Quest)

With love, 
Dieke   

Or start straight away with the practice of day 1: 

Day 1 – Soft | 10 min Feminine Embodiment Practice (21 Day Femme Embodiment Quest)

In this feminine embodiment practice, you are invited to slow down, soften, and gently come back into your body.

Inspired by yin yoga, somatic awareness, and tantra for women, this practice supports nervous system regulation and embodied femininity.

Softness is not weakness.

Softness is where your feminine essence lives. It’s where your nervous system can finally exhale.

Through gentle movement, breath, and awareness, you’ll explore softness as a form of deep inner strength — a way of listening, sensing, and allowing your feminine energy to move through you. 

This practice is designed to help you:

✨ Soften your body and nervous system

✨ Drop your awareness from your head into your body  

✨ Reconnect with your feminine essence  

✨ Feel safe, present, and grounded  

✨ Remember how it feels to truly come home to yourself