“Zip it, don’t say a word,” I told myself.

I must have repeated that sentence twenty times while sitting in the car next to my partner on our way to visit my family.

He was driving. And I noticed how often I wanted to correct him.

To tell him to go right.
To suggest he should change lanes already.
To question where he parked — because we never park there. Does he not remember?

My mind — or better said, Strong Independent Trudie, also known as Controlling Carrie — was fully online that day.

And I had to consciously shut the f* up.

Now you might wonder… why?

  Because it’s in these tiny moments that something much bigger happens.

All those small corrections — even when well-intended, even when you’re “just helping” — slowly chip away at attraction. At polarity. At the dynamic between you. 

In those moments, you stop being his partner… and become his mother.

And he?
He becomes the little boy.

Most men won’t call you out on it.
They’ll listen. Adjust. Do what you say. Because they love you. Because they want harmony.

But underneath?
Resentment builds.

Because no one likes being micromanaged.

And while it feels innocent in the short term, over time you create a dynamic where he stops leading. Stops deciding. Stops taking charge. He waits for you to guide, steer, think, adjust.

And then one day you find yourself wondering:

Why doesn’t he lead me?
Why doesn’t he take initiative?
I just want to lean back… receive… be supported.

I’ve been there. Done that.

This pattern is incredibly common — especially for women who were raised to be strong, independent, capable.

To not rely on a man. To achieve. To think. To analyze. To succeed.

And chances are, you got really good at it.

Those skills are powerful. They serve you. They build careers, independence, impact.

But without balance — without access to your feminine side — they slowly start to drain you.

You begin running on fumes.
Living in your head.
Feeling tight, tense, controlling.
Your softness fades. Your light dims.

And this inevitably spills into your relationships.

You become the one who carries everything.

 The planner. The initiator. The one responsible. The one who keeps it all together.

And somewhere along the way… you forget how to receive.

So sometimes, the practice is simple:

ZIP IT.

Not forever. Not to suppress yourself. But to create space.

Space where he gets to step forward.
Space where you get to lean back.
Space where polarity can breathe again.

Sounds easy. It’s not. These patterns run deep. I still catch myself slipping. Again and again. And every time I do, I notice something:

The moment I control, I block my ability to receive.
The moment I micromanage, I move away from surrender.

Often because that feminine space inside me — softness, openness, receptivity — feels both deeply natural… and incredibly vulnerable. And vulnerability is unfamiliar territory for many of us.

So we snap back into our trained default: doing, leading, managing.

But lately I’ve started seeing it differently. As a game.

A game where I experiment with my own behavior — and watch how my relationship shifts in response.

Because it does. Every single time.

And here’s what happened just a few days after that moment in the car.

My mind was blown.

We had been discussing whether to still book a winter sports holiday or not. Looking at options, comparing, thinking… and I had felt overwhelmed by having to decide. I started leaning toward, “You know what, let’s just skip it this year,” even though snowy mountains would make me incredibly happy.

And then he said:

“So I’m booking us a non-negotiable winter sports holiday. You don’t have to think about it anymore. Leave it to me.”

Ugh. So sexy.

My whole system melted.

I instantly became an absolute yes — to going, to receiving, to him taking charge like that. It felt like such a gift. A dream.

Coincidence or not… I’ve seen this happen over and over again.

When I become aware of an unhealthy pattern in myself — one that affects us — and I consciously shift it… or in this case, zip it… my reality shifts too.

He shifts too.

And things I used to think, “He would never do that,” suddenly… he does.

Not because he changed overnight.

But because I created space for him to.

When I soften, he steps forward.
When I open, he meets me there.
When I lean back into my body — into receptivity, trust, surrender — something between us changes.

And if you don’t yet know this feminine space inside yourself, it can feel impossible to access.

Which is exactly why I support women in reconnecting with their feminine side — not as a concept, but as a lived, embodied experience.

A place in you that is soft, alive, intuitive, sensual, and deeply powerful in its own way.

If you want to start exploring that space, I created a FREE entry point for you.

Try the Femme Embodiment Quest on YouTube — start with:

Day 1: Soft  | 10 min Feminine Embodiment Practice (21 Day Femme Embodiment Quest)

Small practices.
Big shifts.

And maybe… next time you’re in the car, you’ll catch yourself too.

Right before Strong Independent Trudie grabs the wheel.

With love, 

Dieke

Or start straight away with the practice of day 1: 

Day 1 – Soft | 10 min Feminine Embodiment Practice (21 Day Femme Embodiment Quest)

In this feminine embodiment practice, you are invited to slow down, soften, and gently come back into your body.

Inspired by yin yoga, somatic awareness, and tantra for women, this practice supports nervous system regulation and embodied femininity.

Softness is not weakness.

Softness is where your feminine essence lives. It’s where your nervous system can finally exhale.

Through gentle movement, breath, and awareness, you’ll explore softness as a form of deep inner strength — a way of listening, sensing, and allowing your feminine energy to move through you. 

This practice is designed to help you:

✨ Soften your body and nervous system

✨ Drop your awareness from your head into your body  

✨ Reconnect with your feminine essence  

✨ Feel safe, present, and grounded  

✨ Remember how it feels to truly come home to yourself